Granola bars in your hand, not in your stomach?

It's been a week or so since I've written.

I'd sort of dropped off over the last week, kind of checked out.

Sometimes it feels as if I do that with the Lord.

I ask God for help, beg him for assistance. He is great, and He shows His love for us many times over. Yet, I always find myself making excuses, trying to avoid God. Sometimes it's because I convince myself I'm too tired to read from the bible, or pray.

But I wasn't too tired to read news articles online for forty-five minutes, so where was my priority?

To be honest, I spend more time on trivial things that don't matter then on reading good books, doing good deeds, and making righteous plans.

So what does that say about my love for God?

It basically says I don't love God more than these things. I know that in my heart I feel love for God, and I vocally state that I love God, but my actions are often third to cross the finish line.

God's grace is sufficient, but I know I need and want more than what I'm doing.

What I mean is this: You know how during the day, if you haven't eaten much, or you perhaps skipped lunch, that you can physically tell your blood sugar is a bit low?

Usually the tell-tale signs are unprovoked frustration, headaches, apathy, etc.

I think the same thing goes for our experience with God. We have the Holy Spirit within us, but when we don't actively seek out the Lord it's kind of like being hungry all day while holding a granola bar in your hand. It leaves you feeling empty, when all you had to do was realize you had the solution with you all along.

-D.B.

Hiring the Pizza Guy to be Your Electrician

"Man, I feel so low, I can't take no more- come and lift me up, come lift me higher"

Those are the lyrics to a song I like to listen to.

The lyricist of this song often writes about his insecurities, weaknesses, and his doubts. I like it because it's very real.

We all know that we all experience these things, but knowing that it's a universal condition doesn't make experiencing it any better.

There's another piece of that song in which the singer is voicing his frustration, and he says:

"Prayers unanswered and God won't speak."

It feels like that a lot, doesn't it?

David felt that way, Elijah felt that way.

Abandoned, lost.....wanting to know what was coming next. I don't blame them for feeling that way. I feel that way all too often.

I am looking for work. I prayed and prayed about the work I'm looking for, and after God provided a good friend to give me counsel, I found an opportunity to pursue. I applied for the job, and....waited.

Today I found that I did not get chosen for that position.

My initial reaction? Frustration. My current reaction? Awkward peace.

I believe and know that God leads me where He wants me to go.


But it would be nice to feel like I didn't have a blindfold on half of the time.

Though, I think if I were told exactly what to do and when to do it, I would absolutely despise that situation.

"I know that I'm alive by what you place into my hands."

My feelings of general stress related to all of this are likely compounded by the economy, major life changes, existential crisis, and the list goes on and on.

I'm not very old, but I feel like perhaps all of these excuses for why I'm not trusting God the way I should only get replaced by different excuses-

-Because a life that is not dependent on God is like hiring the pizza delivery guy to rewire your house.

We are terrible at taking care of ourselves.

Good thing God is not.

-D.B.

I don't need a surge protector.

I'm incredibly tired.

Probably because I woke up once each hour during the night.

When I feel like this, it's easy to justify my lack of direction, focus, and purpose. Quite honestly, writing this is another way to distract myself from being proactive.

I've been thinking about desiring God lately, and I've come to find that it's extremely difficult.

Please don't think that I mean that it's difficult to love God, or that there isn't a reason (or many) to love Him. It's just that our society has done a great job of paralyzing our spirits. We've created a ton of really cool things to entertain us.

In fact, right now I'm thinking about the TV show I'll probably watch later on.

Is it important? Is it useful. Not really.

A couple weeks ago I realized that I am addicted to entertainment. The majority of the time it's a waste of that time. But we've latched onto it so much that I sometimes forget that God's word, God's Spirit, and the business of Heaven are so much more inviting.

Lately I've been reading Isaiah and Jeremiah.

It has been captivating.

Reading those books, you can hear the voice of God, in all range of emotions. First you hear Him outraged, shocked at the betrayal of the people He loves. You hear his frustration as His people have the audacity to doubt His power.

But my favorite is when you can hear his love. He has been betrayed, doubted, forgotten, and cheated on, yet his love hasn't shrunk back.

If anything it surges, desiring to take back what is His.

God's love surges to take us back.

I am not a good person, and I often waste my time. I struggle and wrestle with how to be proactive with the gifts God has given me.

I sometimes don't even know if the good I think I'm doing is good at all.

Yet God's love surges to take me back.

-D.B.

Where is God?

God is in the details.

When I say this, I don't mean that every single detail of every little thing is "God."

I mean that He exists in the small things. Which means that sometimes we don't (or won't) see Him unless we're intentionally looking for Him.

For example, today I was talking with a co-worker about how people say that "hindsight is 20/20." Of course, things usually make sense when we look back at them and see how they brought us to where we are today.

But in the midst of those times I occasionally want to look up at the sky and wonder what the crap God is doing. Some might say this is a lack of faith.

To some extent, it is.

Knowing and believing are two very different things. I know the Lord will take care of me. I don't always believe it.

To know is thought based- to believe is heart based.

One provides information, the other provides comfort.

There are many people who know that God works in our lives; there are not quite as many who believe.


I have a lot of unknown in front of me. My first inclination is try to steer the course of events in my favor. I worry about what my close friends will think of my life, my career, or my purpose.

You see, I grew up in the generation that was constantly told to be different, to be unique, to be special. Most of us dropped the charade as we realized the vast spoils of success.

I internalized that desire to be special. I internalized the high expectations that my family had for me. I was exposed to temptation of affluence.

Now all of those things are waging war in my mind/heart.

And somewhere in the details of this battle, I'm trying to seek God.

It's kind of like trying to understand someone whispering to you in a large room where everyone is talking loudly.

Let's clear the clutter.

God is in the details.

-D.B.

I've never been good at "blogging."

I always start this blog, thinking "I'm going to write something that's interesting."

Inevitably, I find better things to do or things to waste my time with, and I sort of forget about it. Hey, who wants to read my thoughts anyways?

I always look at other peoples' blogs, wondering why they waste their time...they write about things people search a lot, so they can make a few bucks from advertising. They write about what is making them sad, frustrated or lonely at the time.

Very rarely do people write about hings that are worth writing about.

I've always used a blog as a method of venting my frustrations and/or complaining.

There is no point in that.


So I'm going to write about something good.

I'm going to write about God. I'm going to write about how He continuously provides for us, even when we can't or won't see it.

And hey-maybe I'll abandon this blog in a week and a half. If I do, it's probably because I've found something better to do.

-D.B.

A big hairy mess

So lately I've been struggling with evidences, paradoxes, and similar types tings related to faith.

Perhaps it's because I've been reading scientific type books, or there has been so much controversy in the news as of late. Who knows.

I recently re-read "Velvet Elvis" by Rob Bell. I enjoy his writing style, and something he mentioned in his book is that some people have to have a faith bigger than the evidence, bigger than what other people say.

It's made a big difference for me in the way I see the world. All of a sudden, God can take first place in my life. It doesn't mean that I'm no longer selfish, or occasionally self-serving- it just means that I realize that God is above all of the things we argue about.

For example. I had a conversation today with a friend about the legal issues in the United States. During that conversation I realized that we need to be loving other people and united on those things, and allow God to judge the things we all can't work out.

I can't sort out what's right; I'm not wise enough and the facts are too confounding, confusing and alternating between idealism, harsh reality, and hope.

So I've come to the conclusion that accepting God as infinitely wiser than myself is a better solution than trying to figure out something that I'll likely never have a solid solution to.

God is great, greater than all of this political mess.

Have you ever seen heat lightning?


Bursts of light and power silently exploding in the warm summer sky.

It's breathtaking, and it reminds me that God is here, that He gave us this place- that He can take it all away in an instant, but that he graciously allows us to live in and alter this place.


So if God can do that, then I guess he can sort out all of the world's confusion. We can just take care of people, show love and bring joy to the less fortunate. To bring justice to the world- not the justice that we think of as people getting retribution for their crimes, but the justice of people without friends being befriended, those who starve eating, and the unfortunate being shown fortune.

And I'm not there yet. I'm far too selfish.


But I want to be there. Let's pray that we can be more loving, more holy, and more like the people God created us to be.